Thursday, September 24, 2009

Random thoughts - On moving

So, I am supposed to be packing right now. I went outside to have a smoke and my efforts were derailed. I came back in and decided, "Maybe I'd rather watch something on Hulu than listen to music." So, I picked up my computer to go to Hulu. I still have not made it to Hulu. Hulu just reminded me of an entry in my all-time favorite blog,, in which Meghan McBlogger points out that "My So-Called Life" in on Hulu. Then, I remembered that I haven't been in the office so I haven't read 2b1b in a few days. So, I read today's entry, and yesterday's, and several other entries that were linked in them, and here I am.

So, here are some random thoughts on moving...

- Why do I have more shot glasses than regular glasses?
- Why is Time Warner Cable such an ASSHOLE? And why won't I switch cable companies? Oh, right, because AT&T and Verizon are just as big assholes, and anything involving a dish I am totally out on. My favorite thunderstorm activity is watching TV, and those things tend to go out in thunderstorms. So.
- What is with my cats' obsession with boxes and laying on top of all the shit I just neatly packed into them?
- Why can't I maintain a cute haircut? (OK, so not related to packing or moving, but such is my brain)
- What am I going to be for Halloween?
- And the big heavy one...Why am I sad about leaving this place?

I hate my apartment. It's tiny. It's in a shitty area, next door to a nightclub, and bordering a LOT of sketchy neighbors. Upon leaving, however, I can't help but think about the broken-hearted woman that moved in, and the happy one moving out.

When I came here, I was in the middle of my "dating year". Most of my life was spent single. A few before the dating year were spent with a guy that wouldn't go as far as call me his girlfriend, but would call me one of his best friends who he had a slightly romantic connection with, as in we had sex whenever we were around each other. When that FINALLY ended (yeah, it was an ordeal, but that is another story for another day), I embarked on what has come to be known, in retrospect, as The Kuh's Dating Year. I dated a few guys I met on dating site. I made out with an old friend several times. I had a one night (ok, weekend) stand. I reprised the sexual relationship with Friends-with-benefits guy. It was a renaissance of sorts for me. In spite of all the "fun" I was having, I was miserable as hell.

I don't know what changed me from miserable to relatively happy in the three years I have been here. I am sure that stumbling, by accident, onto the best boyfriend/fiance/husband ever had a little to do with it. But I look back now on the pickles I found myself in back in the day, and find myself thinking, "What the fuck was wrong with me?"

Ah...I know. In the many solitary hours that I have spent here (and in the many more spent with the guy that lives here, too, the one I am married to), I found, in the cracks and under the floorboards, and hiding in corners, a little bit of self worth. That happened here. And that is why, when I pull away in the moving van, headed for greener pastures, I will probably shed a tear or two.

OK...back to packing. And no Hulu. It'll just distract me.

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